Yes, Believe Women

by Guest blogger

Trigger warning, CW: Rape, domestic violence

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, help is available. Speak with someone today. National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call: 800-799-7233 Text: BEGIN to 88788, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

by the Rev. Nicolette Faison

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, originally designated by the U.S. Congress in 1989. However, the month of awareness tends to be as overlooked as the epidemic of gender-based violence and abuse that plagues our country today. Over 1 in 3 women have experienced rape, physical violence, and/ or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime. In 2021, over 5,000 Indigenous girls and women were reported missing by the FBI National Crime Information Center. That same year, there were over 14,000 open cases for missing Black girls and women out of the 97,138 open files. While these are not all specific to domestic violence, it needs to be understood that violence against women comes in all different forms, from intimate partners and relatives to strangers, predators, and traffickers, all in summation of one thing: the lack of value attached to the lives of women.

This crisis is not exclusive to the criminal justice system either. Systems are built by the beliefs and values of the people in power. In other words, the lack of accountability for perpetrators of gender-based violence is as much of a lack of morals and ethics collectively as a nation as it is for the individual.

It is imperative for the church to take accountability for how we may use theology that perpetuates such violence. Every time we tell a woman to make it work because of our belief in the sanctity of marriage, we are negating how their partner violated their marital vows by causing physical, emotional, or financial harm to her. In fact, we are reinforcing that the responsibility to maintain the marriage is solely on her. Regardless of our intent it is the impact of the statements that hold the most weight. When we ask women to choose to forgive their abuser without asking the abuser to repent, we are manipulating Jesus’ teachings like the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21-35). While forgiveness is a Christian value, God intends for us to repent and harm no more. Yet, we are more likely to focus on a woman choosing to forgive someone who has no intent of changing their behavior. As a church, we tend to have more of an opinion of what a woman wears, says, and acts and how that justifies the violence done to her than how we respond to the violence itself.

What is being described here is rape culture, the cousin of purity culture. Rape culture is a society where sexual violence and abuse is normalized. When we understand that rape is not merely a sexual act but a tool to control women, put them in their place, manipulate and demonstrate power, and a strategy of war, then we can see how rape and domestic violence are systemically protected in the same way.

This type of violence is often spoken about in the passive voice, “Dinah was raped” instead of “Shechem raped Dinah.” Purity culture, deeply rooted in the church, supports this work as it is the idea that it is a girl or woman’s job to protect their purity. The church participates in this as we project modesty, and it is a woman to blame for causing a man to stumble. Purity culture looks like using the word defile to describe Schehem raping Dinah. It creates a binary culture in which girls are “good” and “bad,” deserving or undeserving of kindness and healthy relationships. Purity culture dwells in the shame women and girls develop through unwanted attention and unrealistic social responsibilities. That shame helps abusers maintain power through a victim’s silence, which continues to normalize a sexually violent and abusive culture.

Violence against women is treated in a way where women are put on trial, forced to prove their innocence of the perpetrator. An example of this was a case of rape in Italy where the perpetrator was found not guilty because the girl’s blue jeans were too tight to get them off without her consent, according to the judge. In situations of emotional abuse, it is even more difficult to prove, leaving thousands of women in complicated positions without protection. Orders of protection are not often granted without a proven threat, meaning the abuser has to practically inflict harm before the victim can be protected. This systemic flaw has led to many early and unnecessary deaths.

The good news is, as Christians, we do not need to subscribe to this culture of violence. We can reject the act of protecting abusers even if they are our loved ones. We do not need to excuse bad behavior, nor do we need to choose to be neutral. Violence is not neutral. If we understand the act of sin is to be turned away from God and the community, it is not our responsibility to restore someone who has yet to turn themselves back around. After Dinah’s brothers found out what Shechem did, they took it upon themselves to seek justice, even when their interpretation of justice could have resulted in a regional war. Fighting for Dinah and rescuing her from her rapist was more important than peace. Jesus does not ask us to go to war, but he does teach us to seek justice. We should be able to agree that nobody should be afraid of their partner, family, friends, or neighbor, and if we work to change our system, we could potentially protect more girls and women from continued violence. The reform we seek is not only in our judicial system but in our spiritual institutions as well.

The Rev. Nicolette Faison is the ELCA Program Director for African Descent Ministries, creator of the racial justice workshop MONadvocacy, and illustrator of God’s Holy Darkness.