by Nikki Jaynes
I was feeling rough after another horrible date. Nothing was really wrong with him except that we weren’t anywhere near right for each other. He laughed at all his own sarcastic comments. He probably thought he was funny, but the whole coffee date ended up being a joke. Yet, he was the only one laughing. None of it landed where I expected.
That evening after the date, the mental and emotional aftermath had eaten me up and spit me out. I had a lot of turmoil brewing. I was now second-guessing if I should have tried harder to stay with my ex. Had I made a mistake? After that bad date, my rose-colored glasses were stuck to my face, remembering all the good times.
I called my best friend. I was near tears as I expressed all my misgivings about the past.
“Just come over,” she told me. “Come have dinner.” My friend lives an hour and a half from me. Usually, we plan weeks in advance for a visit.
“Now?” I asked. It was Saturday night and most of the day was over.
“Yeah,” she said. “Just come over, we’ll eat and hang out.” My best friend has been having serious issues with her health. I was surprised she was up for unexpected company. But emotionally, I had been down on myself, dealing with a lot of loneliness, so the idea of seeing her was a welcome reprieve.When I got there, we ordered Thai food, my favorite. We talked and ate chicken satay. We joked and reminisced; we chatted about what we were reading and our latest writing endeavors. I was reminded of how it feels when two souls simply click and enjoy each other’s company. We laughed about past boyfriends and worse dates than I had just been on. None of it was particularly heavy; we weren’t seeking a solution to our suffering. But it felt deeply healing to be in the presence of someone I love and respect beyond measure, my best friend.
There was something spiritual about my visit, two people in need of healing just being there for each other through it. What was so holy about Thai food with my best friend?
On the long drive home, I thought about Jesus and how much time he spent with people. Then there’s Jesus eating. Jesus eats with everyone; it’s all over the Gospels. The night before he dies ( when he could do anything, he is Jesus), he chooses to eat with his friends. And what does he say to them?
“Love one another. Just as I have loved you.” Take a look at John 13:34. He tells us to be with each other.
Sometimes that’s all we can do –sit with another person. We don’t have to dispense care for each other from a place of having everything together. Sometimes the most healing thing of all is laughter, amidst a meal with someone. This is true especially when life is hard and messy. This is deep spiritual work. Plenty of people do this in everyday settings: pastors, bartenders, teachers, health care workers all minister to people through their presence. It all feels very ordinary in the moment, but ministering through presence is sacred work. It’s the work of Jesus.