Content warning: Suicide is mentioned in this issue.
If you or someone you know is in crisis or at risk for suicide, call or text 988 or chat online at 988lifeline.org. The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in the United States.
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Several years ago, a woman I knew slightly died by suicide. It was heartbreaking. The choir sang for her funeral, and the women’s group served brunch afterward. I will always remember the sight of her young husband–now a widower–standing in the parish hall greeting everyone who had come to mourn with him. His courage made the tragedy even sadder somehow.
Could anyone have said anything to help prevent her death? Or would we have made things worse somehow?
No, talking with the woman would not have made it worse, according to Sherry Bryant, co-founder and chair of the Lutheran Suicide Prevention Ministry. Anyone–even an untrained amateur–could have said something and saying anything would have been so much better than saying nothing.
Talk saves lives, she told the women gathered for the 2019 Conference of Presidents in February.
Be bold and blunt
She told the group that if someone appears to be under great stress or deeply depressed, if someone hints about ending it all, if someone starts giving away prized possessions–it’s time to talk. Talk saves lives.
Prepare for the conversation: Gather information and resources so you have them ready–the name and phone number of a counselor, for example, or a car to take your friend to the emergency room. Find a private, safe place to talk, and make sure you have plenty of uninterrupted time.
Sherry Bryant, co-founder and chair of the Lutheran Suicide Prevention Ministry
Then be bold and blunt: Ask the question. “Are you thinking of killing yourself?” “Are you considering suicide?”
If your friend isn’t in any danger, she might be offended, and you might be embarrassed–but that’s so much better than her death.
If she has been thinking about it, knowing that you care will be a relief. Even if she’s reluctant to talk about it, your caring presence and willingness to listen are powerful.
Tell your friend out loud that you care, that you want her to stay alive, and that you’re on her side. Tell her that you want to help. Listen without judgment and don’t promise to keep anything secret. If she is willing, go with her to the emergency room. On the other hand, if it feels unsafe to go anywhere with her, call 911 immediately.
Bryant offered the group a long list of informative websites and resources, all gathered at suicidepreventionministry.org. There is a vast network of professionals and caring volunteers who work tirelessly to prevent suicide–and any one of us can help.
Audrey Riley is director for stewardship for Women of the ELCA. She sat in on Bryant’s suicide prevention workshop at the Conference of Presidents, Feb. 22-24.