A few years ago, my sister’s mother-in-law passed away from a heart attack. Jan was in her early 60s and had three toddler grandchildren and another one on the way. A slew of friend and family loved and admired her.
She treated everybody like they were family. All were invited in and accepted without judgment. Jan and her husband, Tom, included my small family in their gatherings–even though at the time, my sister and I were not getting along. The idea of being accepted unconditionally was strange to me.
Jan was kind, inclusive and treated every person like he or she was special. She made me feel special. She was interested in my life, and she was generous with sincere praise. She was not judgmental, and she was patient. If she gossiped or made judgments, I never heard them.
The impact she had on me
I did not know her very well, and I’m sure she didn’t know the impact she had on me. But from Jan, I learned to be more open and to risk loving unconditionally. And sometimes to keep my critical nature in check.
Since her death, I have been trying to model some of the things I admired about her. Often in situations, I ask myself, “What Would Jan Do?”
Usually these thoughts come up when I’m feeling insecure or impatient. My mother-in-law said yet another biting comment. A friend was insensitive. Somebody cuts me off in traffic, or somebody new comes into my social circle. What if I treated those people like Jan treated me–like family–no matter what?
What would Jan do?
What Would Jan Do?–is my reminder for what God wants for me. Jan was a saint sent to teach us how to love others in real time, in real ways, as God loves us.
When craziness happens or when the people we love the most hurt our feelings, how can we model ourselves after the saints in our lives?
Is there somebody who models Christ’s love for you?
Elizabeth McBride is director for intergenerational programs and editor of Cafe.
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My mom, Martha, was like Jan. She always listened with an open nonjudgemental heart. She had a wonderful way of helping you figure out things for yourself just by listening and asking the right questions for YOU to ponder. She never told you what to do. My mom died when I was 17 but I feel so incredibly blessed to have had her for those 17 years. She gave me an amazing foundation. Whenever I’m faced with difficult situations, It helps to envision a conversation with her.