Our choir season started up not long ago, and I was glad. I missed my fellow altos during the pandemic, and I think we were all delighted to see each other and sing together again. Most of us have been singing together for years—I think I’ve sung with Lillian and Catherine for 15 years now.
After all this time, we all know each others’ voices and each others’ strong points and our weak spots. For example, I know Catherine has a reliable low range, so I tune in on her when we get down around middle C and follow her. And Lillian has a beautiful high range, so I tune in on her when we go higher. (Me, I enunciate.)
So anyway, there we were just before the first rehearsal began, all sitting close together, sorting through our sheet music, chatting and smiling together, obviously all old pals. And a new alto came up the stairs to the choir room to join us. She’s a student at the college nearby, and I swear undergrads look more like junior high kids every year. But I digress. A new alto joined us.
Warm and hospitable
I want to say that we welcomed her into our midst so warmly and hospitably that she immediately felt at home. But I have to admit we didn’t, not really. Oh, sure, we all shook hands and traded names. And I showed her the rehearsal schedule and niceties like that. But we also let her take a seat at the end of the row, next to the basses.
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
It’s hard to learn new music when you only hear one other voice in your part. If we’d been welcoming, we would have rearranged ourselves so the new alto could be in the middle, supported by other alto voices all around. But we didn’t.
If I’d been welcoming, I would have gotten up from my safe spot between Catherine and Lillian and sat by the basses myself, but I didn’t. I feel bad about that. I’ll do better at the next rehearsal.
For us, on the inside, we felt like community. To our new alto, did we feel like a clique?
When have you felt like an insider? When could you have been more welcoming? When have you felt like an outsider? How did that feel?
This blog first ran in October 2009. Audrey Novak Riley is director for stewardship for Women of the ELCA.
Women of the ELCA offers a free downloadable resource, “Hospitality: More than Warm and Friendly,” that groups can use to explore this essential part of discipleship. The program takes about an hour.
reply
retweet
favorite
Cliques are the reason I left my church. A year after I arrived, I still knew no one. I found a welcoming group at a Cowboy Church and am now happy
so true. We just had our first potluck and neglected to let people know 1) what time “between the services” actually is… 2) what to bring 3) where to meet. Because “everybody knows” right??? We’ll also do better next time. Thanks for this gentle reminder!!!