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Sometimes the hardest part of parenting is my own behavior. I’m not as patient as I would like. I raise my voice or snap back when I wish I wouldn’t. Child psychologist and author Becky Kennedy (known as Dr. Becky) says not to sweat those mistakes. According to Dr. Becky, what’s most important is what we do as parents after we mess up: repair. She has written extensively on how to apologize to your child and talk through your mistakes, while continuing to set firm boundaries for the child’s behavior. To me, repair feels a bit like resurrection. New life is always possible, which is very good news.
Dr. Becky’s approach is shaped around a phrase that may sound familiar to Lutheran ears: Good Inside. It’s the title of her book as well as a theology (whether she intends so or not). Lutheran theology argues that we are both saint and sinner – full of goodness and mistakes. We have God’s Holy Spirit dwelling in us, with us and all around us. Calling upon that goodness, we can forgive ourselves and look for that goodness in others, including our children (and others) when they infuriate us.
This message is excerpted from “The hardest part of parenting” by Lisa A. Smith in the March/April/May 2025 Gather magazine.