Children want to talk about death, but sometimes adults struggle with what to say. Our own life experiences shape the way we discuss (or don’t discuss) death with children. This may include childhood traumas, but also the conventions and norms of where we grew up. I was raised on a farm in in the Midwest. I attended most of the funerals at our church, helping my mom in the kitchen. I went to visitations at funeral homes, pausing by open caskets. Every Memorial Day, we decorated our relatives’ graves at the cemetery. Death was a part of the rhythm of community and family life.
Ritual and remembering are sacred acts, tools we can use to talk about death with our children. When children attend a funeral or memorial service, stroll through a cemetery or put up a photo of a beloved grandparent who has died, they learn ways to express and process their grief. They learn that death is a part of life and that it’s okay to talk about it. They learn that it’s okay to ask questions and feel any emotions that come up.
This message is excerpted from “For all the saints” by Lisa A. Smith in the November/December 2021 Gather magazine. Today is Memorial Day.
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