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Families involve a complicated web of people tied to one another, at times acting in ways they might not fully understand because of how these systems push on us unconsciously. We all play a part, whether we find ourselves with a named identity like Jacob the trickster, or we act within our familial role like Rebekah the doting mother. Because family systems remember us, trying to change within a family can often be quite difficult.
A regular complaint from people who return home for the holidays is that they feel as if they have suddenly been transported back to their adolescence. Even if they’ve been working on new ways of changing, people often say it feels as though everyone expects them to act like they always have.
As we consider our families, it can be helpful to remember that families are also powerful actors in helping us learn positive, healing lessons about ourselves and others. Though change is difficult, we can draw on stories of biblical families to help us recognize the ways that our families also support our development and growth.
This message is excerpted from the Bible study “Where two or more are gathered: Flourishing in relationships” by Brooke Petersen in the June/July/August 2025 Gather magazine.