Screaming is often a part of my life these days. Today the screaming has been going on for over an hour, which isn’t unusual for the 9-year-old foster child in my care. These breakdowns are always hard, but this particular day, I am mad. The screaming started after I found out he was stealing from me. I did my best to keep still. I did my best to turn away from my anger and look inward, though it felt dark and barren and hard.
But I think that’s what love does–it walks into the desert and stumbles around in heat and desolation until the years of captivity are finally stripped away. But the trouble with the desert is that there aren’t many signposts. It’s hard to keep track of where you are or how far you’ve come. So I started by saying, ‘I’m sorry.’ Then I said, ‘I love you.’ And on the really tough days, I will keep trusting that stepping into the desert prepares us for joy, mercy prepares us to love and choosing these things–whether I feel like it or not–is enough.”
This message is excerpted from “You have only to keep still” by Amy White in the October issue of Gather magazine. Please pray for synodical women’s organization presidents who travel to Chicago today for their annual meeting.
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