Civility has taken a nosedive over the last 18 months. Maybe you’ve noticed too.
I’ve seen drivers become so much more aggressive that I fear for pedestrians and those riding bicycles in my community. Retail clerks brace themselves as each shopper comes to the counter, ready to be verbally abused. Political pundits scream more than ever at each other. Those asking restaurant-goers to abide by mask mandates get harassed, or worse. Social media is filled with nasty comments.
I get it. We are mentally and emotionally exhausted. We have had our lives turned upside down by the pandemic. We’ve had changes of all kinds thrust upon us. Family members and friends have died. We’ve become alienated from other family member and friends. The web of societal norms that had kept us functioning well before the pandemic—interpersonally and in community—have been ripped away.
Where it really bothers me is when we see these kinds of behaviors in the church. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. We all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, to quote Paul (Romans 3:23). Or, as The Message says in the same passage, we’ve proven “that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us…”
A recent example brought this to life for me.
A woman of faith said some nasty things recently. Uncalled for and unnecessary things. A friend witnessed the nastiness and texted me. “I’m in the middle of a ‘how will I ever go back to church’ moment in my life and this is just making me want to run. I just don’t understand how [Christians] justify acting this way.” The friend pointed out that we, in the church, “have a book that has already told us how we are meant to treat each other.”
Indeed, not just a book but a person. Jesus. What would Jesus do in that same situation? There’s nothing to suggest from his track record that he would have made nasty and snarky statements. Jesus teaches us to love one another.
Soon after that text exchange I saw a tweet that expanded my thinking about this: “Many youth are leaving church today not cause they are out there chasing ‘sin’ but because they are seeking virtue, love, authenticity, and community, and they ain’t finding it in churches.”
I know it’s tough right now. I know we’re all struggling. But Jesus still calls us to love one another. The song “They’ll Know We Are Christians By Our Love” was popular at one point in youth groups and at church camps. Maybe it still is. I just know there are a lot of people who claim to be Christian who aren’t showing much love these days. That’s probably what led John Pavlovitz to write his latest book, If God Is Love, Don’t Be a Jerk, published last month. I’ve just begun reading this, with the hopes I can discern my part in helping us all turn away from less-than-loving ways.
Linda Post Bushkofsky is executive director.
Thanks Linda! This so nails our current climate. Let’s all try a little more kindness,
As the saying goes, in a world where we can be anything, be kind.
I was at the post office recently and, having finished my business, had stepped away and was heading for the door. The man behind me had approached the same clerk and I heard him say, “Would you be so kind as to…?” He wasn’t being snarky. He was being sincere. I didn’t hear his request, but as I left I was smiling and thinking, “Oh, thank goodness!” So when did being polite become such a rare and noteworthy occurrence?
Such a good question, Sharon.
Thank you, Linda. My sister is visiting from WI and we were discussing this very thing. Less patience, more reactive than reflective behavior, divisive language seem to becoming more the norm. Focusing on positive interactions is hard but trying to look for the good in situations and model appropriate behavior is somedays all you can do. Hopefully being kind and patient will come “back in style”.
Our children and grandchildren are watching. What is the message they get?
Thank you! I am so sad to watch nastiness. We have a weekly newspaper for our county. Almost every week their has been a letter to the editor about crazy covid things…no mask, no vaccine, you know the type of letter. So each week my husband adds below the letter, the actual scientific truth. This last week his mama died of covid in a nursing home at 94. Another crazy letter came in saying vaccines are causing covid and masks make you sick and my husband wrote a note below the letter saying this is the last. Science shows vaccines are safe and do their job and masks prevent infection and are safe. He was emailed that it is censorship and he is using his grief wrong and whole lot of other very inappropriate things. We are a small rural community. This group of group of anti vaccine and anti mask are so nasty in their comments, neighbors who have lost their minds and love. I wish they could see themselves and their behaviors…
There’s something called the online distribution effect. It holds that people are less inhibited online than they are in face-to-face exchanges. One way we see this playing out is with meaner language and more rude behavior online. This concept existed before the pandemic, but it’s clear that the pandemic has exacerbated the impact of the online distribution effect.
I enjoy and appreciate the ministry you share in your blogs. Keep up the great communication, we appreciate your lift in sharing it.
Thank you for your kind example.
“It helps if you approach each interaction with an attitude of grace.” Raeann, such wise words and great advice!
When the drive thru line for my coffee is extra long or I witness what appears to be a difficult interaction, I try to give extra good tip along with some words of encouragement. It helps if you approach each interaction with an attitude of grace.